WWE to launch seniors division called LST
Due to the overwhelming fan excitement regarding the returns of Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair for this week’s Crown Jewel event in [REDACTED], World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) announced today that the company will launch LST, a “redevelopmental” league for wrestlers over the age of 65.
The name of the league, LST, is a nonsense acronym that borrows the pretentious schtick of removing vowels from words, like developmental league NXT and the new AEW rookie division, SBSQNT (pronounced “subsequent”).
The first pay-per-view event for the new division, LST Combover Boca Raton, is scheduled to take place in a Florida retirement complex on a weekday afternoon, sometime before 4:30pm dinnertime.
Among the matches rumored for LST Combover are:
- Pat Patterson vs. Gerald Brisco in a long-awaited “Battle of the Stooges”
- The Iron Sheik in a freestyle rap-off against his own reflection
- The Shockmaster vs. Akeem vs. One Man Gang
- Main event: Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair in a “Five Minute Iron Man Match”
According to one source within the company, LST will use a specially padded ring to prevent hip fractures, and physical contact of any kind will be strictly prohibited.