Clayton Mullins, a 49-year-old sandwich artist and bigoted dullard from Tallahassee, ranted on social media today that professional wrestling is “too woke” and was “better back in the day” when its characters and storylines affirmed his own deep-seated fears and prejudices. 

“Dang, I don’t even know who to cheer or boo for no more,” Mullins tweeted after a watching the New Day reclaim the WWE Tag Team Championships from The Hurt Business. 

“What ever happened to good vs evil? Like Hogan vs Kamala, or Piper vs Adorable Adrian Adonis, or anyone vs. Saba Simba?”

Mullins then posted a longer rant on a Facebook group he runs, Southern Rasslin Traditions, which has an avid following of 127 similarly dim bulbs. An excerpt: 

Wrestling is supposed to be good guys and bad guys. When I was a kid, I grew up watching the Freebirds come out, wrapped in the rebel flag, I was like YEAH, Badstreet USA! I knew they could beat any bad guys, like Ron Simmons and Butch Reed. Hell, things were still OK in the Altitude (sic) Era. Vince loves cocks looool. At least we got to see some T&A back in the day, right guys? The Hooooooo train! lol. These days, some of the divas are kinda chubby. I mean, what the hell?! What is this, wrestling or The Rosie O’Donnell show? Soon they’ll have lesbo wrestlers and we’ll get some real HLA!!! 

The Facebook post goes on for another 900 words, but they become increasingly pathetic and incoherent, indicating advancing inebriation. He passed out at 10:44 pm while re-watching, for the umpteenth time, the clip of  Vince McMahon ordering Trish Stratus to bark like a dog.