In a borderline-absurd demonstration of the adage that the “show must go on,” World Wrestling Entertainment is holding its annual WrestleMania event this weekend for a live crowd of no one — an absurd pantomime that, at the very least, guarantees nobody’s view will be blocked by a giant fucking lighting rig dressed up as a palm tree. 

WrestleMania will be broadcast live from the WWE Performance Center (a training gym and indoctrination camp where the indy stars of today learn to be the generic mid-carders of tomorrow), where there is thankfully no need for goddamned spotlights glaring in my goddamned face for four goddamned hours. 

Because the Performance Center is a closed environment operating with a skeleton staff, it would be infeasible to create a ginormous effing lighting colossus and ring umbrella, thanks be to Saint Vince. 

It’s still going to look ridiculous, though. You might wish you had an obstructed view.