Insisting that the main event of this weekend’s Wrestlemania event “needs some extra sizzle,” sports-entertainment impresario Vlad “Vince” McMahon announced this morning that Charlotte Flair, Ronda Rousey and Becky Lynch will compete in a Bra and Panties Match.

At a press conference in New York City this morning, McMahon rubbed his hands together and licked his lips lasciviously as he revealed that the main event will be “a sassy, sexy catfight” in which each competitor will struggle to remove the clothing of her opponents.

“Business just picked up!” hollered longtime commentator Jim Ross, which was followed by Jerry “The King” Lawler’s enthusiastic squeal of “Puppies!”

Some critics have decried the stipulation a step in the wrong direction — antithetical to the immense progress that has been made in provide equal opportunity for the hard-working women of WWE.

McMahon dismissed such criticisms as “politically correct poppycock, quite frankly,” and then made several nonsensical statements about grapefruits.