Of all the preposterous plotlines and implausible mismatches in sports-entertainment history, arguably the silliest of all time will happen tonight when two foul-mouthed midgets work a “boxing” match in Las Vegas. 

Floyd Mayweather (the obnoxious little megalomaniac who “fought” The Big Show at WrestleMania 24) will square off against un-ironic-hipster douchebag Conor “Hornswoggle” McGregor in what pundits are calling “a farce even pro wrestling couldn’t concoct.”

“I thought I had seen everything when David Arquette became WCW Champion, but this takes the cake” writes veteran wrestling journalist Dan Mutzler. “What’s most amazing is that some people think it’s real!”

A leaked script for the match was posted online this morning, and reveals a number of twists and “swerves” that will keep fans entertained, if they suspend disbelief.

According to the script:

• McGregor will arrive in the ring via jetpack, only to be outdone by Mayweather, who will be shot out of a cannon from the roof of The Rio hotel 
• A hair-versus-hair stipulation has been added to the match
• In the third round, when the referee isn’t looking, McGregor will clobber Mayweather with his trusty shillelagh 
• Mayweather will pull brass knuckles out of his trunks in Round 4, but will be caught and nearly disqualified by special guest referee “Stone Cold” Steve Austin
• McGregor will win by count-out after Mayweather takes a nasty bump through the ringside commentary table

According to backstage rumors, McGregor will go on to become the General Manager of UFC, and Mayweather will co-star alongside Sylvester Stallone in the upcoming film Rocky 7: Electric Boogaloo. 

 

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