Great news, wrestling fans! 

Remember Donald Trump, the celebrity tycoon who earned his rightful place in the WWE Hall of Fame for shaving the head of fellow wealthy asshole Vince McMahon? Wasn’t that fun? 

Well get this!

He made America great again!

That’s right, WWE legend Donald J. Trump became “President” of the United States in 2016 (and 2020!), and then, just like a miracle, with the warm weather, all of America’s problems just disappeared and it became great again! 

In fact, America is now so great that any seventh-grade dropout with an axe to grind and an assault rifle can go to America’s capitol city (Warshington, where the guvvermint lives), voice their support for “President” Trump (One Like = One Prayer!), and then storm the capitol buildings to ensure America remains great! Again! 

These patriots crashing through the windows of the hall of democracy are saving America, just like Mr. America (portrayed by Dan Spivey) saved WWE from foreigners! President Trump’s loyal dipshits are saving America from communism or something! Communism or something won’t make America great again! Only WWE Hall of Famer and Russian puppet Donald Trump can make America great again, and he did, just like he built a great, great wall along the Mexican border — and made Mexico pay for it!  

Some people say WWE Hall of Famer and non-consensual-pussy-grabber Donald Trump lost the recent US election to Samoa Joe Biden, but that is only true if you count the votes and adhere to the most basic tenets of democracy and truth. Democracy and truth won’t make America great again! 

Only WWE Hall of Famer and criminal despot Donald Trump could have made America great again. And now it’s great again! Congratulations, Trump voters, we did it! The Civil War is afoot. 

America, to borrow a phrase from ECW fans, you f**ked up.