World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) has never been accused of subtlety, and today the company’s website was clearly engineered to clobber visitors with ham-fisted hints that John Cena is on the cusp of a highly anticipated, exciting and lucrative return.

The homepage of the site, and every page within — whether devoted to Raw, Smackdown, NXT, or Total Miz & Diva Squabbles House — currently highlight John Cena in an overt or indirect way.

A few examples of content currently on WWE’s website:

• John Cena’s Lips: Nice or Nah? A Point/Counterpoint Debate
• 17 Uses for Your Entire Wardrobe of Useless 2019 John Cena Merch, Because You Just KNOW He’s Returning With a New Color Palate, Right?
• NXT UK: Would John Cena Have Won That Tournament They Did If He Had Been In It?
• 834 Sexy Pictures of John Cena In the Shower or Whatever (NSFW) <— and now you KNOW you’re going to click it to see, so just get it over with. Yes, It’s got a zillion ads, but nothing too harmful. C’mon.  Everybody clicks it.
• John Cena: Is He Hollywood’s Next Miz?

The clearly lop-sided reporting in favor of Cena has not gone unnoticed by cultural watchdogs who examine the media for bias or compromised integrity.

“This is disgusting social conditioning, designed to brainwash the sheeple into ongoing, unquestioned consumerism,” said Prof. Valentino V. Nuss, a distinguished lecturer at The University of Reptilian Illuminati.

“What kind of example are we setting for the children! Won’t somebody please think of the children!”